The League of Torquemada, an answer to "Catholic Voices"

I am very happy to announce the formation of a new media response group, The League of Torquemada, who have the backing of no U.K. Bishop, but will, I am sure, be a jolly good thing. The members so far are:

Sister Medea Nemesis renowned and redoubtable hammer of liberal "Catholics", former alligator wrestler and shark fisherwoman, currently writing a biography of Torquemada.

Her remit is Cleaning up the Church.

Fr Brian Boru, fluent in Latin, Greek (New Testament and Ancient), with an Oxford double first in Greats, Blues in Rowing and Rugby, and service as both a military and prison Chaplain, describes his leisure pursuits as "hunting foxes and heretics, shooting, and fishing."

Fr Boru has several convictions for assault causing actual bodily harm, the last dating from the thrashing he dealt out during a doctrinal argument at a bus stop with one Fajka Dottle, from Cheering the Quurch. His Current ASBO bans him from approaching  nearly everywhere.

His remit is Survival in a Godless country.

Ks Konan Barbariański from Poland, nuclear physicist and Priest, former all-in wrestler and concert cellist, whose Bach concerts drew enthusiastic audiences from all over Europe.

His remit is Arguing with Idiots and Richard Hawker-Dawker.

The Hon. Tulip Credo-Slackly, a lightweight liberal "Catholic" twerp and son of a labour peer was kicked off the rival group Growing in Doubt for his risible faux pas on matters of Faith and Morals. He will be spilling the beans about his former colleagues, making the coffee, and cleaning the lavatories. If he's very good, we may let him answer the telephone.

We would welcome applications from those who may wish to work in the group, but would remind them that we require:

• Total Orthodoxy
• An exceptionally perceptive and sharp intellect
• The ability to think, write, and speak clearly and unambiguously under pressure
• For men, a tie when appearing on television, and no chummy grin
• The ability not to get up the noses of the current members
• The ability to hold their liquor