Oho! The Church Militant!

Ukrainian Catholic Priest blesses sledgehammer to be used for demolition of statue of lenin.

From Cardinal Timothy Dolan

In Memoriam: Nelson Mandela

Today I learned that Nelson Mandela, former South African president and a hero to all, had passed away. Here is the statement that I released to the press:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: December 5, 2013

STATEMENT OF CARDINAL DOLAN ON THE PASSING OF NELSON MANDELA

Nelson Mandela was a hero to the world. His bravery in defending human rights against the great evil of apartheid made him a symbol of courage and dignity, as well as an inspiration to people everywhere. As Blessed Pope John Paul II noted during his visit to South Africa in 1995, Nelson Mandela was for many years, “a silent and suffering ‘witness’ of your people’s yearning for true liberation,” who, as President of South Africa, had to then “shoulder the burden of inspiring and challenging everyone to succeed in the task of national reconciliation and reconstruction.” In succeeding in these crucial and difficult tasks, Nelson Mandela truly made the world a better place.

May he rest in peace.

Abortion? Schmabortion! What does it matter so long as you are a hero to the world?

Reblogged, because it seemed topical Newman speaks today to us through Blair

London 29.01.2070.

During this morning's General Audience, held in the Conway Hall, Red Lion Square, London, His Happiness, Pope Polypistis I, spoke warmly of the fragrant memory of Saint Tony Blair, canonised one year ago today.

Riding on the Papal Unicycle, and steering an impeccably straight course along the Golden Line of Tolerance specially painted on the floor, His Happiness, wearing the the Universal Tiara, which bears the insignia of all the major Faiths, as well as others too numerous and esoteric to catalogue, greeted delegates from Catholic Abortionists, Queering The Church, We Are Church, Catholic Yackers, and the general public.

"A Saint's life," his Happiness remarked, "is an open book where we can read what we will. Saint Tony devoted his life, as well as his overarching gifts of courage, intellect, honesty, and humility, to the pursuit of all that is good.

"In the true spirit of Newman, he stood for the Truth, and the rights of Conscience courageously to follow and embrace that Truth wherever it may be found.

"Many were the voices raised against him, not least in this our church, by those for whom the easy option of blind obedience to mere dogma was more attractive than the pursuit of Truth through a truly enlightened Conscience.

"Newman speaks today to us through Blair."

No Snivelling Here

In 1996, South Africa passed one of slackest (or most liberal) abortion laws in the world.

Nelson Mandela signed it.

For me, anyone who supports abortion, whether a president, an M.P., a queen, a doctor, a nurse, or a teacher, is along with Mengele, Himmler, and the rest, quite beyond the pale. 

Rot them all!

Saint Nicholas - My Kind of Saint

Saint Nicholas was my kind of Saint,
If sometimes short of temper.
Though pacifism was not his bent;
He was fidelis semper.

When Arius denied his Lord's
Divinity, Nick felt sore;
Decided acts speak more than words,
Felled Arius to the floor.

His kind of knock-down plagologue*
Is now not to our taste.
We value courteous dialogue
Above such wordless haste.

And yet there is a time, one feels
To strike and not to speak.
When Reason with Unreason deals,
It's reason which is weak.

For who can mould a brain of mud
With philosophic lore?
Better to thump the stupid crud.
His place is on the floor.

* Note: Plagologue = arguing or reasoning with blows. This word does not appear in any dictionary. It is my own coinage, being derived from Latin 'plagus' = a blow, 'plagosus' = full of blows, violent, cognate with Greek 'plegein = to beat, and logos = reason

Plumber confesses to Shakespeare Imposture

Mr Krzystof Mistrz, a self-employed Polish plumber, has confessed to forging the sonnet which has fooled Shakespeare scholars, and was referred to in my penultimate post.

Mr Mistrz, a former English teacher in Poland, said at a press conference yesterday, "It was very easy to do. After all, I trained as a palaeographer, and love English renaissance poetry.

"So, ok, maybe there were a few anachronisms in the Mandeville and Chaucer texts. I'm sorry if I embarrassed anybody. I certainly wasn't trying to cheat anybody - just having a bit of fun.

"Must dash. I have work to do in the British Museum."

Mr Mistrz confessed to more forgeries - the recently discovered manuscripts of hitherto unknown chapters of Mandeville's travels, dealing with the mediaeval author's journeys in the Americas and Australia, a Chaucerian poem, "The Milton Keynes Tales", and an Old English poem, "The Battle of Croydon". All were found in bizarre locations.

The revelations will undoubtedly lead to resignations amongst British and American palaeographers and scholars.

Renaissance Sonnet Discovered in Bodleian Could Be By Shakespeare

News of a sonnet, discovered during recent plumbing work at the Bodleian Library, Oxford, is puzzling scholars of English Renaissance literature. Everything in the handwriting and paper indicates authenticity, but the use of the word “crust” to mean “cheek, brass neck, chutzpah” seems an anachronism.

You may read it here (spelling modernised) and make your own judgment.

Viewing the ashy desert of my lust
As I lie here abed, awaiting death,
I pray not. Tis a waste of noisome breath
To plead with unhearing gods. I put my trust
Rather in my unconquerable crust,
The steely corselet which sustained my joys
When I, like child besotted with its toys,
Pursued fair wenches, now long turned to dust.

I had my times, gamesome and hot they were.
My bastard brood in every parish grew.
My quarry? Women, and my lust the spur,
A merry hunt! My friends, to me be true:
No “Dies Irae” sing, death’s path to ease.
But “I did it my way” – at my funeral, please.