Polish plumber confesses to literary forgery

Mr Krzystof Mistrz, a self-employed Polish plumber, has confessed to forging the sonnet which has fooled Shakespeare scholars, and was referred to in my penultimate post.


Mr Mistrz, a former English teacher in Poland, said at a press conference yesterday, "It was very easy to do. After all, I trained as a palaeographer, and love English renaissance poetry.


"So, ok, maybe there were a few anachronisms in the Mandeville and Chaucer texts. I'm sorry if I embarrassed anybody. I certainly wasn't trying to cheat anybody - just having a bit of fun.


"Must dash. I have work to do in the British Museum."


Mr Mistrz confessed to more forgeries - the recently discovered manuscripts of hitherto unknown chapters of Mandeville's travels, dealing with the mediaeval author's journeys in the Americas and Australia, a Chaucerian poem, "The Milton Keynes Tales", and an Old English poem, "The Battle of Croydon". All were found in bizarre locations.


The revelations will undoubtedly lead to resignations amongst British and American palaeographers and scholars.

W. H. Auden missed his vocation - writing TV jingles

A long-forgotten Keats scholar, H. W. Garrod, writing nearly sixty years ago on the appointment, to the Oxford Chair of Poetry, of W. H. Ordure, (alias W. H. Auden, author of some dingy and mildly emetic  poetastery - Night Mail and other even less distinguished verses) thus admonished that drab nonentity:

What Matthew Arnold would have said,
Seeing you sitting where he sat,
We do not know. But I suspect
That learned poet would have spat.

Yup!