Glossolalia at the Greengrocers'

A long time ago, when I worked in financial services, I was invited to the monthly meeting of a Christian (they said) brokerage.

They had guitars.

The meeting opened, properly enough, with prayers, and the chairman then asked if anyone would like to prophesy.

The young man next to me stood, closed his eyes, and in a dreamy voice said, "El Shadai, Shadai...aż ażaażażaż....." (ż like the 's' in measure) and continued in this vein for about a minute, passing his hands in front of him like Tommy Cooper when performing a conjuring trick.

He then said, in English, that someone at the meeting was cheating his wife and must stop now.

He started the gobbledook again, but was interrupted by the chairman, who said the meeting must continue. So much for the Holy Spirit.

Interestingly, the investment plan they were meeting to discuss paid 90% commsiion to the salesman in the first year, leaving only 10% to be invested for the client.

Very Christian.

I have since often wondered how glossolalia would work in the retail trade.

Scene: A greengrocer's on Saturday morning.

Me: Two pounds of apples, please, but are they English?
Assistant: Ash bash! Wurgle slorm. Pluffa pluffah ploo."
Me: I beg you pardon?
Second Assistant: Do you want me to interpret her prophecy?
Me: Yes please.
Second Assistant: She says that if you do not avail yourself of the choice fruits, your habitation shall be an dunghill in a place of desolation. Your name shall be as an abomination to the people of this city, and you shall -
Me: Aghhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Boards in panic a passing bus, and exit).

If the Archangel Raphael (Milton's affable Archangel) came to me in person to persuade me of the holiness and worth of this gibberish, I would plead invincible ignorance and beg for mercy.