Milton Revisited & some not too irreverent Thoughts on Celestial Plumbing, with an Offer of Assistance.

I have in mind the fifth book of Milton's Paradise Lost, where Adam naively questions Raphael, the Affable Archangel on the more physical aspects of life in Heaven, such as sex and sewage. The second stanza refers to line 438, where Milton is just lovably silly.


If we believe what John Milton
Wrote in Paradise Lost,
Adam, in Eden, entertained
One of the Heavenly Host.

Raphael, the Affable Archangel,
Milton writes, was embarassed a bit
When Adam, curious about Angels,
Asked if they eat, drink, and sh-t.

And Raphael, the Sociable Spirit
Replied that the Heavenly Choirs,
Certainly eat and drink. Consequently
"What redounds, transpires."

Now we know from the Book of Tobit
That Raphael angelically lied,
(My justification for holding
That enemies must be denied

The truth). To return to the question
Of disposing of Heavenly Cess
What do They do with Their Excrement?
Why, dump It in Hell, I guess.

I suppose that the eager Blessed Spirits
Would happily volunteer
For a day trip to Hell, to sling all
The Sewage in Beelzebub's ear.

I know that, if I get to Heaven
I'll be the first in the queue
To make an unwelcome delivery
To Hell, of Celestial Poo.

The recipient - not Hitler or Stalin.
(From weak me they have nothing to fear.)
But I'd seek out the liberal Catholics
And bury with dung ???? ?????
 * * *

* * * Readers are invited to guess who this might be. Beware of U.K. libel law.