Down Nightmare Alley - Dr Caring Bung Bashes Bigots

Dr Caring Bung, M.P. for Gowno North, plans to introduce a bill into Parliament in the Autumn, making it an offence punishable with fines and imprisonment to use the terms Mr, Mrs, Miss, or Ms., which he describes as "tainted with bigotry".

Announcing his proposed draconian new measures at a press conference yesterday, Dr Bung said, *These terms of address are outdated, outmoded,  bigoted, divisive, non-inclusive, homophobic, bigoted, religiously orientated, sexist, and non-inclusive. They do not reflect the richness of the British cultural narrative. What is more, they are not inclusive.

"I intend that the new, all-inclusive, non gender/orientation-specific form of address shall be Genderperson, regardless of sex, sexual orientation, or so-called marital status. For titles, there will be Genderlardy, or Genderdamesir, to replace sir, dame, lord, lady, and, for so-called  professionals and clergy, Genderdoctor, Genderbishop, etc. etc.


"All so-called Catholic Clergy, regardless of status, shall be addressed as Genderpedophile or Genderpervert.

"It will be an offence punishable with imprisonment to use the expression 'pervert' in any other context."

The Common Good

We are lone individuals. As Matthew Arnold wrote,

"Between us lies
"The unplumbbed, salt, estranging sea."

and as Kipling said,
“For the sins that ye sin by two, by two
Ye shall pay for, one by one.”

And yet we seem to yearn for the common good. Individualism is, we are told, a bad thing, and the common good is paramount. So how about a moral litmus test? Do you agree with the following as "common good" propositions?

Please try to avoid using common sense.

1 There are too many people in the world, so contraception and abortion are good things.
2 Treating the terminally ill wastes resources which could be better used elsewhere. Therefore some form of euthanasia is a good thing.
3 My car pollutes our environment, so I must walk, cycle, or use public transport.
4 Religion is good if it promotes social cohesion.
5 Religion, if taken to extremes, does not promote social cohesion, so it is bad.
6 Public display of religious symbols does not promote social cohesion, so it is bad.
7 Excellence breeds envy and discontent, so it is bad.
8 Clever children should not be taught with other clever children, and by clever teachers, as this is divisive. Mixed ability schools and classes should be the norm. Difficult subjects should not be taught because they are divisive.
9 Sex makes people happy, so the more the better.
10 ‘Deep’ ecology, which values all life equally is a very good thing.

And one for luck: The Pope and the Church need to be 100% inclusive.

I think you can guess my position, but your comments would be greatly appreciated.