Shock as Pope Decanonises Saints

Pope Polypistes today sent shock waves through the Catholic Church when he announced his decision to 'decanonise' Ss Paul, Francis of Assisi, Frances Xavier, and St Louis IX.

Nestling in the burly embrace of the Papal Consort, Cardinal Stalwart Thews, he explained,

"St  Paul? Homophobe! St Franci of Assisi and St Francis Xavier? Proselytisers! Solemn nonsense! St Louis? Islamophobe!

I'm gonna canonise some real Saints. For a start, Bill, Hilary, and Chelsea Clinton, Hackney, Hendon, and Stepney Clinton. Tony Blair and W.H. Ordure!

Watch this space!"