THE WORST CASE OF THIS KIND IN OVER 30 YEARS ON THE BENCH - JUDGE

72 year old Karl Marks Smells, was convicted yesterday on three counts of hate-speech at ----- Crown Court.


A Ms Methany Beesoms complained to Glastonbury police that Smells, alias Dawkins Twat, alias Hawking Twerp, alias E. U. Buggeroff, alias Blair Yuckie called her a "stupid witch" when she vomited over him after consuming  a whole bottle of 'White Lightning'. 


Ms Beesoms, a practising Wiccan, was deeply distressed by this insult to her religion.


The second count relates to Smells's calling her a drunken bitch. A passing transgendered poodle, represented in court by the ASL (Anti-Specist League) overheard this remark and became highly agitated until sedation could be administered.


The third charge was that Smells insulted Satanists by referring to Satan as 'the devil'.


Sentencing Smells to 6 months community service in a local coven and six months in a dogs' home, and recommending a period of anti-specism, transgenderism and multiculuralism awareness training, Mr Justice Goodthinkful remarked, "This is the worst case of this kind that I have come across in thirty years on the bench.


"You must realise that your attitudes, thoughts, and behaviour are totally unacceptable. The fact that you were on your way to a so-called 'wedding' is no excuse, and indeed highlights the dangers to the Big Society of religious extremism.


You will now learn to live in the Big Society."